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Monday 22 July 2024
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New Findings on the Mozart Effect

A recent report now says that the Mozart effect is another charming urban legend. The bad news for the hip urban professionals: playing Mozart for your designer baby will not improve his IQ or help him get into that exclusive pre-school. He'll just have to get admitted to Harvard some other way.

Of course, we're all better off for listening to Mozart purely for the pleasure of it. However, one wonders whether, if playing Mozart sonatas for little Tiffany or Jason could boost their intelligence, what would happen if other composers were played during the kiddies' developmental time?

Other composers' effects

BACH EFFECT: Child is regarded as old-fashioned and "square" by his peers, but will be revered by future generations.

WEBERN EFFECT: Child utters only a word or two at a time and many wonder what he's saying, or if he's saying anything at all.

PACHELBEL EFFECT: Child brings mothers of brides to tears but gives professional musicians nervous twitches.

BEETHOVEN EFFECT: Child is prone to moody outbursts and generally behaves as if he's not listening to anyone.

LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.

WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume - that he's dying.

SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

IVES EFFECT: The child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.

GLASS EFFECT: The child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

STRAVINSKY EFFECT: The child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

BRAHMS EFFECT: The child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc.) However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

CAGE EFFECT: Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds. (Preferred by 10 out of 9 classroom teachers.)

Thanks to David Featherstone.

PhD comics

These can be very entertaining - and very perceptive
– but take care: they're quite addictive…


Stress affects us all, not only on 5 November (National Stress Awareness Day in the UK), but throughout the year.

The 'Don't Worry … Take Action' campaign is designed to help.

A 'reducing stress' MP3 is available.

Stress Buster game image

There's a great stress-busting game from the International Stress Management Association too.





Top ten stress busters



Some links to recommended products and services that our clients have found useful.

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